linkinxero's Diaryland Diary

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Blood and Sweat

hearing nothing

Just so you know, my silence has nothing to do with you. I got over that probably thirty minutes after the last email, so don't flatter yourself. I don't have a problem with anyone but myself, and my asshole father who is the real cause for all of my financial problems this month. Maybe even a factor in my mental state, but that's been engraved deep within me for years. It always seems to come back to him, doesn't it? I don't know why I even suspected him to fulfill his promises, he has no follow-through---even when there is a court order. If he would have sent the $500 on November 1st I wouldn't be facing eviction from the dorms, nor would I owe anyone anything. Hell, if he would have told me the truth sooner I wouldn't even be here at all. I wouldn't be in Wichita, or $6,000+ in the hole without a job or transportation. Texas is supposed to put out a warrant for his arrest if he doesn't make his payments, but alas, the system never works. Thanks again for screwing up my life. Don't bother trying to call me on my birthday.

On a different note, I've been craving a cigarette for a while now. I've only had one in my entire life and that was when I was thirteen. I can't say it was a good or bad experience. I didn't cough or choke, and I didn't understand what was the big deal. But now, the thought of it suddenly makes my mouth water, and when I smell one burning I go crazy. I guess I'm looking for any new habit to deal with my inner turmoil. It's either that or experiments with my X-acto knife (the current object of my daydreams)...and really, I don't want to become that stereotype.

I watched Fight Club today. I never realized how good it was before. It brightened my day to about a 70% gray, instead of the recent black. The dialogue was great, I wanted to screw Brad Pitt in so many positions, and it even managed to make me laugh. I don’t know why I had a thing against this movie before, but what did I know in 1999?

“Now a question of etiquette; as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?”
- Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

10:40 pm - November 30, 2004

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